and $900 went to the organization that has put a heavy burden on my shoulders since late last year regarding this damn exam, that yesterday, i finally fucking passed. and now all i have left to do is be pregnant and continue to cook this baby inside me until he is good and ready to be born.the morning of the exam i was a nervous wreck, not having slept the night before or really from not having any decent sleep in the last few months. part pregnancy and part fear of failing yet again, for the third time. i have known about this exam, for a few months after having failed the second time around by a mere 4 points (you need a passing score of 170 out of 200). i knew i had to take it again and my work was backing me up every step of the way and this time around, since LEED NC version 2.2 was going to be retired and a whole new way of credentialing was going to be enacted with many more hoops to go thru (which i am absolutely in favor of), my boss jumped in on the wagon to also take it on the very last day you could - the same day i was taking it.
But my boss took his exam at 8 am. i was taking mine at 6 pm. yes, half of me wanted him to fail. so when 10 am (you are timed and given 2 hours to complete the exam) came around and i hadnt heard from him, i was somewhat content but then sure enough he calls around 10:20 and says he's green, meaning he passed. he not only passed, he fucking killed it! 195/200! (no pressure or anything). by this time, i had already been up a few hours, had my breakfast and was trying to tackle the reference guide. he told me what he could remember of the test, not specific questions but some tips here and there and im like - they didnt ask you for calculations or anything? anything about a women's only restroom and flush and flow rates, etc? - this was what i remember from my exam plus a few other more difficult questions. anyway, i had no doubt my boss was actually going to pass the exam. killing it on the other hand, yeah, kind of. he is an electrical and mechanical engineer by trade and education. he has been in the design build business for over 20 years, i think he has plenty more common sense than i would if i were to get stumped by a question, especially regarding ASHRAE standards or any of that sort which have a lot to do with mechanical (HVAC) units. he said if it wasnt for the online practice exams, he couldnt have passed - that that was his main study tool. unfortunately for me, this was not my study tool.
so, i of course was in a panic. my boss, being the boss, was able to take off weeks from work in order to fully study, i on the other hand could not. except he gave me a couple of days to do so and then i requested 2 more days. so in total i have had 4 days. and well i have very poor study habits. im a crammer, not a studier. anyway, i didnt want to disappoint my boss, yet again and the pressure of him already passing was looming. i did not want to go into work a failure.
my test was in the city so i took bart and had an hour to kill before the test. i was planning on studying right before the test, but after looking over the stuff and listening to an audio version of the reference guide (and yes, i even tried to listen to it when i went to bed the night before, hoping it would just sink in), i kind of had enough. if i knew it, i knew it, and if i didnt, no amount of cramming right before the test would help any. if anything, it would just screw up what i did have memorized and make me more of a nervous, self doubting wreck.
so on my walk to the test site close to union square, everyone in suits, rushing out of their offices and calling it a day, i notice this dude walking up from behind me fidgeting. i have a huge messenger bag and other stuff draping in the front of me. the guy walks a few feet, takes a look behind him and then walks a few more feet, kind of stops and then continues walking and then all of a sudden he turns around and walks towards me a good 6 feet and asks - excuse me, do you know where union square is. this guy didnt look like a tourist, he looked like he just got out of work. and youd hit union square if you kept walking straight ahead - which is what i told him, and then i guess he suddenly realizes, as i move about and push my bag behind me - oh, and congratulations. um, how far along are you? well you take it easy....anyways...so weird. i get to the building and im like - im not ready to face the music just yet - so i grab a pizza and think ok, ill do a once over..which didnt help any. when i did go into the building you have to check in and sign stuff and the security guard wanted to play a guessing game and find out which test taker i was on the list. by this time i had about 20 mins to get to the test site and this fool wanted to play games with me? he of course never got my name and off i went. only i thought i heard him say that the elevators are locked due to it being after hours. and im to go the 6th floor? im like wait, did i hear him right. i aint walking up 6 flights of stairs..anyway it wasnt locked at least not yet.
sigh, so i get there and i remember the woman and of course she doesnt remember me. i used my brand new phillippine passport as id - and she was like - youre filipino? anyway..she was nice, asked how far along i was and so forth. and i needed to use the bathroom. the last time i was here, i always thought if someone wanted to cheat - you can so do it by stashing things in the bathroom. anyway, this other nice lady completed signing me in and wished me luck and asked how far along i was. the test site has cameras and a controlled room and you have to abide by these rules, they even check your pockets for lint and so forth. the lady asked me to stay in the corner before proceeding to my assigned station. as i watched her walk over to the empty stations she stops at #3 - which is my favorite number (if you can even have a favorite number) to which i told myself - this should be a good sign, right? and then waves me over and i got my lucky station which had a squeaky chair. anyway, unlike the tests previously where i was completely nervous and felt i was already going to fail before i started, i didnt frantically do a "brain dump" or figit or try and vomit out any information that was swimming in my head. i just told myself, i can do this. i know this shit. i will pass. and off i went...it was definitely not the same test i had had before. it was not as difficult but it wasnt easy either. at the end of the exam you can choose to do a survey and prolong the results of your exam..and so i took it..i felt good about my exam but i was still nervous and i started to doubt myself once again..anyway, after i finished the survey and hit end, i held my breath and and and...boom - PASSED....THANK FUCKING GOD. now i didnt pass with flying colors or even one color but i passed none the less, at that is all that matters.
after the exam i couldnt wait to scream with joy - again the testing center is pretty close to being like high school detention while taking your SATs - making any noise was against their rules. i walked out of that site center and did the whole fist pump in the air. all i could feel on my face was this huge smile and heat. i ended up meeting a friend who i hadnt seen in a few months and we um, went to my old favorite hang out - a dive bar in my old neighborhood. AND i ran into an old friend and neighbor who i hadnt seen or heard from in a few years! so all in all it was fucking cool. i was like dang, this is why im not social - its cause of the damn exam. now thats behind me, lets party (with virgin cocktails of course) but no, when i got home my body was not happy. yeah, the reason why i have a low tolerance for social gatherings is not because of the test, its because im pregnant. oh well. it was fun though.
but all the while after it faded, i started to feel like it wasnt real that there was still something looming over me. it wasnt till this morning that i felt like i passed. i kept worrying that there was some mistake and that i really failed the exam. i still had my headaches, i was still all a mess. i was still doubting myself. but this morning i got a short and sweet confirmation email that i did in fact pass and now am officially a LEED AP (though they wont be able to update the directory for awhile).
okay, i think ive bored you enough...off to LA to enjoy the heat, the pool, family and food..my family is throwing me a baby shower packed with all the filipino dishes my heart desires - we're even having lechon!
*sorry if this post was all over the place. i started writing it yesterday but never got around to finishing it till now.
